I am on a journey in this body, in this world. So are you. Some might say that we are on a journey to the same place.
I started this website because I couldn’t not write about this spiritual journey any longer. I know it seems “out there” to most of the people who know me from my hometown, college, or the business world. It is not common to talk about your spiritual journey at a networking event or happy hour. But things have been progressing for awhile now and I am compelled to write about it, so here goes.
The past few weeks have been challenging for me as more and more layers of beliefs go up in flames. I am seeing this life for what it is more clearly than ever before. It sometimes causes moments of mental crisis where I almost wish I could go back to the way things were just a few short months ago.
The journey of awareness, of uncovering what is true, can appear be a painful one at times. As you let go of all beliefs that are untrue, you let go of the very things that you once thought were the most important things in the world. This can be terrifying at times. But at other moments, it brings absolute peace.
I have been on this spiritual journey for several years now, but I only recently became aware of it. I am losing interest in worldly definitions of success as I focus my energy on my spiritual growth. A decade ago, I wanted to make millions of dollars — I wanted money, security, and luxury. 5 years ago, I wanted to follow my passion — I wanted a job that I would love. 3 years ago I wanted to start a business so I could work from home once I had a baby — I wanted time and location freedom. 2 years ago I was really anxious to get pregnant — I wanted to be a mother. 11 months ago, I wanted to have a perfect pregnancy and birth experience — and learned instead that life is about surrender.
Sometimes I crave my old life, where I was striving to make myself a richer, more famous, and thinner version of myself. Sure, that striving caused me lots of stress, but it was totally acceptable in our society. I pushed myself to learn more, do more, and be more productive. I compared how many things I could juggle with my friends and colleagues. We were all so busy that we rarely had time to just be. I had almost no time to stop and reflect and truly examine my thoughts. And I probably wouldn’t have wanted to — it can be a painful process.
I am now at a place where my main goal is to go with the flow and to forgive myself and the world for not being how I think it should be. Each day I complete a task from the Workbook for A Course in Miracles (ACIM). I read from ACIM and do my best to be an empathetic and non-judgmental person. I am a mother, a wife, a family member, a friend. I still think about how I should be contributing to the world — and I always get the answer that I need do nothing right now. I’d love to encourage other people as they practice ACIM, but perhaps that is for some time in the future. I must put on my own oxygen mask before I can assist other passengers on this airplane:)