“I used to try to be smart and now I don’t and everything works a whole lot better. Stopping being smart was one of the smartest things I’ve ever done.” — Jed McKenna
After years of listening to my intuition on and off, and years of trying to explain to logical, rational people why I’ve made the decisions I’ve made and done the things I’ve done, I realize now more than ever that when I go with the flow things always happen the way they are meant to. (I could also point out that even when I don’t go with the flow things happen the way they are meant to, but I experience more pain out of my resistance to what is.)
It feels awkward for me to let go of the reins. Like most humans, I like to feel in control and to know how things are going to end. But I also see the power in letting life flow through me, similar to floating with the current instead of fighting it. My ego jumps to attention as I write that with its reply — “But you’ll DIE!” That is what I am working with — an ego that fears its death. My ego feels good when it feels secure and surrendering control makes my ego freak the fuck out. But I am willing to live with that. I do not believe that I am just my body. I am grateful for my body that allows me to play in this world. But I am bigger than my body. I am bigger than my ego. I am bigger than my mind. And I surrender. I surrender the need to control what happens to me. I turn the reins over to the infinite part of myself that has chosen to be embodied though me. I accept that anything can happen. I accept that I will feel pain, fear, anger, sadness, joy, love, uncertainty. I know that it is all temporary though. My infinite self will survive it all, no matter how bad it seems in a certain moment. May I come back to this truth as often as I need to.